Highlights

• Mother of 10

• Wife of 1 hot dude

• Author of Friend Your SELF First

• Keynote Speaker

• Custom designer/dressmaker

When is the last time you thought about your highlights in life? I hope you make a list if you haven’t already.

Once upon a time I was a girl with a pretty nice life. I grew up in a large family of faith where I was encouraged and uplifted. I was taught the basics of living and growing. I went to college and loved my years in Fashion and Costume Design, graduating with a four-year Bachelor of Arts degree. I was ready to tackle the world! But first, I put in my mission service to the southern regions of Spain, and I came to love the place and the people. What amazing experiences!

I started my career as a custom designer and dressmaker in the Dallas area, and I thrived on the praise of people around me who saw me as strong and capable. I met with clients who were getting married or going to a debutante ball or bar mitzvah, and I helped them feel like a million bucks with creations that we designed together and I brought into existence. I was good at what I did, and I was praised and encouraged.

I rented a house with some friends and we loved being a part of each other’s lives. I was envied and admired. I went dancing with friends at church dances almost every weekend and enjoyed the single life. I was on top of my world!

I met and married the man who would make my dreams come true. He had a good education, a good job and a solid foundation, and he was also pretty good-looking. I fell head over heels in love.

The Married Life

Before we married I thought my husband and I were mostly on the same page. We had so many things in common. We went to the same church. We both came from large families. We had both graduated from college and were supporting ourselves. We totally were going to be a power couple and rock the world.

The newlywed life was supposed to be good.

But this life we were working on together was tearing me apart. He was terse and short with his words, and I felt criticized. If he could only talk to me like I mattered. If he could just understand what I needed him to do or say, I could be happy. If he would react differently, then I wouldn’t be such a mess. If he could just be more like me!

One day when I was standing at the stove making gravy, I heard, in a condescending tone, “Why are you doing it that way? You’re supposed to mix the flour in the milk first.” I was mixing it with the butter first. Heaven forbid that I should do anything different from him. I stomped out of the kitchen and cried angry tears in the bedroom. I felt like he was telling me I was totally incompetent. He was different, and I took every difference like a hot poker telling me I was a sorry excuse for a human.

Differences in family culture

I grew up in a family of soft answers and quiet explanations, even when I was being corrected. His words sounded demeaning and rude, because in his family that’s how you got a point across. When he corrected the kids or told them to put things away, I heard such a mean voice that I got angry and undermined his request. Sometimes I refused to work with him on projects because I couldn’t stand to hear his terse remarks.

We had twins that were premature the first year, so by the time we had been married for nine months, we already had two babies. My new life totally turned me around and upside down, but I was a strong, amazing person and could handle anything that came my way—or at least that’s what everyone saw. Inside, I just felt like a dizzy and disastrous wreck.

My schedule revolved around feeding the babies. I changed diapers in the morning, grabbed some breakfast and fed the babies. I straightened a little, changed diapers and fed the babies. I ate lunch, changed diapers and fed the babies. I dressed us all to get groceries and run errands, often stopping to feed the babies. I would get home, put groceries away, change diapers and feed the babies.

There were no clients to praise my creations, no dresses to lavish my attention on, no clean, spacious dressing rooms.

Busy husbands and small humans don’t provide the same type of validation. I loved my babies. I loved my husband, but I didn’t love my SELF. I no longer heard the admiration I was used to and I took it to mean that I was lacking.

I began to take every comment as criticism and every look as judgmental. This new life was unfamiliar and I didn’t have anyone around to praise me and validate my worth. I wasn’t out and about where everyone could see how awesome I was; I saw myself as worthless and unable to please.

I felt unfit, unloved, unworthy and un-everything.

Gradual demise

It was such a gradual process that I didn’t realize how deeply I had sunk for many years. No one else knew, either, because I wasn’t about to show it. I also had no idea how to fix what had happened. Heck, I couldn’t even understand what happened. I only knew I was miserable.

I blamed everyone else, but mostly my husband. Our differences in life philosophies, communication patterns, parenting instincts and personal habits were glaringly obvious. I decided that I was right and he was wrong. And he wouldn’t listen to me and change what I told him he needed to change. I began a mental list of all the ways and reasons that I was right and he was wrong.

This one simple principle, treating others as I want to be treated, transformed my thought patterns and began to restore my sense of self-worth. The Golden Rule is more all-encompassing than I ever suspected when I learned it as a child. And it kept opening my eyes, again and again—and it still is!

This discovery was a life-changing point for me. Of course, I didn’t change from miserable to joyful overnight, but I knew I was on the path. This was the point where I began to feel the desire to share. I came to understand my worth and turned my life into a joyful experience.

I began to step through realizations and concepts that helped me truly internalize the Golden Rule. I recognized tools and applications to move step-by-step to turn life around from anxious and discouraged into peaceful and joyful, even when life is challenging and hard.

Our journey of life begins at birth and ends at death. In between this entrance and exit is a world of discovery at our fingertips. My discovery of my SELF began when I recognized the need to look within, rather than without.