Rediscovering You: How the Golden Rule Can Heal Your Self-Worth
Where is the joy in life? Why can it be so hard to find? If you have ever felt like you have lost a part of yourself in the day to day shuffle of life, you are not alone. The answer to rediscovering that joy and rebuilding your self-worth might be hiding in a place you would never expect: a simple principle you have known since childhood, just waiting to be seen through a new lens.
From Valued Designer to Invisible Mom: A Story of Losing Yourself
Once upon a time, my life was pretty nice. I was a custom designer and dressmaker, and I thrived on the praise of clients who saw me as strong and capable. I helped women feel like a million bucks for their weddings and debutante balls, and their admiration was my fuel. I was envied, admired, and on top of my world.
Then I married the man of my dreams and we started a life together. But what was supposed to be a dream felt like it was tearing me apart. We approached everything differently. His words felt terse and critical, and I took every difference of opinion as a hot poker telling me I was wrong. The breaking point came one day while I was making gravy. He told me I was doing it wrong, and I felt so incompetent that I stalked out of the kitchen, his words challenging the very core of who I thought I was.
Nine months into our marriage, we had premature twins, and my world turned upside down. My schedule became a relentless cycle of feeding babies and changing diapers. There were no more clients to praise my creations. Busy husbands and small humans do not provide the same type of validation. Without that external admiration, I began to see myself as worthless, unfit, and unloved. It was a slow, subtle erosion of confidence, and I did not realize how deeply I had sunk until I had lost my voice, my identity, and my courage.
The Simple Principle You've Known All Along, Reimagined
In my search for an answer, I stumbled upon something I had heard my whole life: the Golden Rule. “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” At first, I thought, “Oh great, something else telling me what I’m not doing right!” But as I looked deeper, I was amazed. This principle is found in nearly every religion and philosophy throughout history, from ancient Egypt to Confucianism.
Then, the bomb hit. As I was trying to write a book to show my husband how he should treat me, I realized a startling truth: I DID NOT EVEN LIKE MYSELF! This is when I saw the commandment “Love your neighbor as yourself” in a completely new light. It is not just a rule for behavior; it is a statement of fact. You love your neighbor as you love yourself. How you treat others is a direct reflection of your own inner state. If your relationships are filled with judgment, it is a symptom of a poor relationship with yourself.
How to Take a "Golden Rule Selfie" and Change Your Perspective
This realization led me to a powerful new idea. Think about the camera icon on your phone, the one with the rotating arrows that flips the view from outward to inward. What if we could do that with the Golden Rule? What if, instead of only pointing it at others, we turned that camera around on ourselves? I call this the "Golden Rule Selfie".
Taking a Golden Rule Selfie means treating yourself the way you wish others would treat you. It is about giving yourself the kindness, respect, and validation you have been waiting for someone else to provide. In that moment of discovery, I understood I could stop waiting for my husband to treat me as I deserved to be treated. I could treat myself! This is more than a nice thought; it is a radical act of reclaiming your power. It moves you from a passive state of waiting for approval to an active state of creating your own.
Are You in a Cycle of Criticism? Here’s How to Break It
My new perspective helped me see a destructive pattern I was trapped in: a vicious Cycle of Criticism. It started one day in church while I listened to a young woman sing a solo. My mind immediately found her flaws, thinking, “She really could have used some more practice.” Then it hit me: What a jerk I was! My critical thoughts about her were a direct reflection of my own deep insecurities.
The cycle works like this: You start with insecurity. To feel better, you find flaws in others to knock them down in your head. This makes you demand perfection from yourself, because you assume everyone is judging you the same way. When you inevitably fail to be perfect, you feel even more inadequate, which reinforces the original insecurity. It is a self-perpetuating prison where the pain is entirely self inflicted.
Building a Cycle of Confidence, One Thought at a Time
The good news is that because this cycle is internal, you have the power to break it. You can reverse the flow and create a Cycle of Confidence. Instead of looking for flaws, choose generosity. Look for the good in others. That singer at church? She was brave to share her talent! Instead of envy, feel gratitude for her contribution.
When you praise another person in your mind, you are doing for them exactly what you want others to do for you. This is the Golden Rule in action. This realization allows you to then turn that praise inward and see the good things in yourself. It gives you the confidence to share your own gifts, even if they are not perfect. Think of it like a coiled spring. Each turn of the cycle moves you a little bit up or a little bit down. You always have the power to change direction and start cycling up.
Frequently Asked Questions
What is the "Golden Rule Selfie"?
The "Golden Rule Selfie" is a mental exercise where you turn the Golden Rule inward. Instead of just thinking about how you should treat others, you consciously choose to treat yourself with the same kindness, respect, and validation you wish to receive from the world. It is about becoming your own source of love and approval.
How do I know if I'm stuck in a Cycle of Criticism?
You might be in a Cycle of Criticism if you find yourself frequently judging others, holding yourself to a standard of perfection, and feeling insecure or inadequate when you make mistakes. It often manifests as an internal voice that is harsh on both yourself and the people around you.
Why did the author feel worthless after becoming a mother?
The author's sense of self-worth was tied to the external validation she received in her career as a designer. When she became a mother, that constant praise disappeared. Without an internal source of validation to replace it, she began to feel invisible and worthless, interpreting the lack of admiration as a sign that she was lacking.
Can applying the Golden Rule to myself really improve my relationships?
Yes. The book's core message is that your relationship with others is a reflection of your relationship with yourself. When you stop looking to others to fill your need for validation and start providing it for yourself, you can engage in relationships from a place of fullness, not neediness. This reduces conflict and fosters more genuine connection.